I created a video this morning, very spur of the moment, but I felt I needed to capture that very moment in all its "glory," or lack thereof :).
As I picked the title and reflected upon it, "the windows of awesomeness," I was reminded of a comment a speaker made in church yesterday when referring to the windows of heaven. "I'm an engineer and a very literal guy. To have windows, you need a house that goes with it." He went on to make his comparison and I have been thinking about what "house" or structure goes with these windows? You need a framework of expectations or goals for your children. You need a vision of what you want to accomplish. The vision can be broad, the very bare bones of a house plan. As you study, watch and learn about different educational methods or get more specific on your house plan for your child(ren)'s education, the shape fills in.
I have found that for me to be able to allow the "windows of awesomeness" shine in and shower down inspiration, God asks me first, "Well, what do you want?" Otherwise, He can shine things down and I have a hard time knowing where to put them. I think that in the process of finding what type of education you want for your child, you start building your framework for the education that happens in your home.
Sometimes, that framework takes a bit of adjustment through the years to suit your family's needs: remodeling the kitchen, throwing out a new wing, tearing down an unused shed. The symbolism goes on and on.
So as you wait for inspiration to shine on down through your windows of awesomeness and feel a little cloudy maybe ask yourselves the following questions:
--what do I want for my child(ren)'s education?
--how do we learn best?
--what kind of things do I and they want to learn?
--what kind of books make me excited to learn?
--what is my vision for our family 20 years down the road?
--what are my children's learning styles?
--what subjects am I most excited about now?
--what is that one thing (or 20 things!!) that keep nagging me are important?
Polish those windows with faith and humility. Keep your house empty with room for heaven to shine down in inspiration.
My summer needs to be in rekindling love of learning.
How should I get my kids in love with learning again? Show it myself!!!
I worried the other day that my older kids weren't really reading at all. The library fluff was gone and they seemed lost. "Read a book off the shelf!" I encouraged.
Nothing.
As I worried, the thought registered in my mind, When was the last time they saw you deep in a classic: loving, dreaming, struggling, crying, sharing?
Well...good question. It has been pretty hit and miss. Yes. There are a lot of reasons but no reason why not now!
My 11 year old "found" this hymn during the previous devotional. Reading it again and again has helped shape me as a parent and homeschooler these last few days:
Lyrics
1. School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom's voice control.
School thy feelings; there is power
In the cool, collected mind.
Passion shatters reason's tower,
Makes the clearest vision blind.
(Chorus)
School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom's voice control.
2. School thy feelings; condemnation
Never pass on friend or foe,
Though the tide of accusation
Like a flood of truth may flow.
Hear defense before deciding,
And a ray of light may gleam,
Showing thee what filth is hiding
Underneath the shallow stream.
3. Should affliction's acrid vial
Burst o'er thy unsheltered head,
School thy feelings to the trial;
Half its bitterness hath fled.
Art thou falsely, basely, slandered?
Does the world begin to frown?
Gauge thy wrath by wisdom's standard;
Keep thy rising anger down.
4. Rest thyself on this assurance:
Time's a friend to innocence,
And the patient, calm endurance
Wins respect and aids defense.
Noblest minds have finest feelings;
Quiv'ring strings a breath can move;
And the gospel's sweet revealings
Tune them with the key of love.
5. Hearts so sensitively molded
Strongly fortified should be,
Trained to firmness and enfolded
In a calm tranquility.
Wound not willfully another;
Conquer haste with reason's might;
School thy feelings, sister, brother;
Train them in the path of right.
I also felt prompted to share it with my 15 year old Goob, who is going through that beautiful, deep, yet complex transition to manhood. I can see the war within and without as he both struggles with and savors his internal manliness. My inspiration for this moment? Give him some structure and expectations, create a safe, media-free environment (with their dangerous and soul-shaping messages and addictions) for now,...and then stand back and let him shape himself. It is a new inspiration...one that I have probably felt with the older ones and quickly squelched in the paranoia of "we're wasting time!!!" No. This is what God gave you this time for, the Spirit whispers.
I feel like he needs this time to shore up his defenses, like military men in scriptures and other histories. There is a time to attack or engage with the outside world, and a time to build up those bulwarks. This is one of those times apparently.
So what does that look like for us?
Responsibilities
-He has daily "basics" (see above tab "Daily Schedule") and a "Dad job" to do: a job uniquely assigned from his father daily. Sometimes he loves them--like chopping down an old tree in the yard.) and sometimes he, well,...just manfully does them :). He really has a pretty good attitude towards work most of the time.
-I have also felt prompted that they need to do a daily dose of math and check it off along with their basics and jobs. This also goes for piano practice. Their lessons are geared to help them love the songs they play, so it isn't too much of a chore. They need to put in 20 minutes a day. There is no "consequence" per se of not doing them. However, my reasoning is that if they don't fill their brains with good things, then I don't want them filling them with garbage, too :). They can't watch any movies or do any fun screen time on the weekends (or during the week, if it happens then) if they don't have their weekly allotment of music and math done.
-Exercise 5 times a week: with swimming lessons, family basketball one-three times a week, and working out with his dad, this is a no brainer.
-Being kind.
-Dinner help.
This can all be done fairly quickly and he has the rest of the day...relatively media free, which lead to the next part:
Taking Care of Environment
-Books: We felt inspired to have a summer free from the library. It was one of those painful parenting moments, and I felt kind of like what I imagine Lehi of the Book of Mormon felt when he knew the Lord commanded his sons to go back to Jerusalem to get the plates...and probably knew what their reaction would be. Sometimes you just don't want to share with your family what God wants you too! Jonah, Noah, you...we all have those times! But just as in the case of Nineveh or the world, the message does not change just because someone doesn't want to hear it. Fortunately, in this case, I received the awesome confirmation when not all of my children received the news the way I expected it. After a carefully prepared devotional about receiving hard messages (I believe I did use Lehi's example), I told them my prompting. The Goob sat up straighter and said almost joyfully, "Sounds great, Mom!" Somewhat taken aback and genuinely baffled, I approached him later. "So you are okay with that?" I asked tentatively. "Ya, I had been feeling lately like I should stop reading the books I have been reading but was having a hard time and this will help!" Wow. Love the Spirit.
Truly, one of the most important things we can do in our home is to help our children recognize the voice of the Spirit!!
Now, this doesn't mean no reading. Just look at my shelves above. Okay, those are my dream shelves, but I have at least that many carefully selected and purchased books for their perusal. It has been interesting to see the kids change and become more thoughtful in what they choose to read...and those bad behaviors manifest so many times in modern literature (sassy, disobedient, disrespectful, immodest, wanton violence, to name a few) are far less of an influence for a blessed three months.
I have seen my 9-year-old pick up "Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry" and be moved by it's story. I have seen my 7-year-old tackling better books as well as my 11-year old taking on Tom Sawyer. These used to be very familiar types of books to these ages, but are so hard for our modern children to engage in as they sail in the sea of "fluff."
-Screens: We have no computer time during the day unless the child has done 10 minutes of family history. This is based upon this promise from Elder Bednar:
Elder David A. Bednar has promised: “I invite the young people of the Church to learn about and experience the Spirit of Elijah. … I promise [that] you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary. As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives.”20
(I challenge you to find more blessings that come from family history!) Our children need that blessing of protection while on the internet! Anyway, after that 10 minutes of awesomeness (that always spreads to more family history), they can do specific scholastic things on-line. This means, that they come and tell me, "Mom, I am going on the computer to do *specific task*" It provides accountability and purpose in going online.
After 3 pm their flexibility of what they can do increases a bit, but we don't have online games (except for math or typing games). And we don't have a TV right now (plenty of access to news, movies and shows online...so not sure what the difference is there :)!). And we don't really do videos (unless they are "Magic School Bus" or learning type videos during the week). And we don't own any play station...stuff. They can get that from their friends.
Now, don't go and try and model your home after mine. This is a work in progress and has morphed over the years many times. This is what my family needs right now and is based upon specific principles my family needs right now. And, most importantly, it is what the Spirit says is right for our family right now. It will probably change :)!
Compare this to immunizations: some people don't feel immunizations are right for their kids. Some feel they are. Some are more passionate on either end, but the truth is that there are both positive and negative things about immunization. You just need to decide what is best for your family. Some people don't and rely on "herd immunity"--feeling that their children will be safe because everyone around them is immunized. Some people feel that their children are one of those that need the immunization.
I kind of look at this with media: for some people it is fine in all kinds of doses. To others, it can be lethal. It can depend upon which kinds of media just like different immunizations have different side effects.
My point is that media and immunizations can be beneficial and detrimental. We need to seek the inspiration that our family needs, counseling together as parents, and then setting down specific, understandable guidelines or rules in your home.
I feel that the impact of media and gaming on the development of a 15 year old boy can be life-changing. Use with care but don't be afraid to use it. It can be life changing for good as well as they are exposed to great ideas, people and concepts through the wonders of technology. I guess the trick is not to be used by it.
I haven't been posting much because I have been really trying to follow the Spirit this last month and, until now, it hasn't directed me to post anything here. I try to wait before I record or post anything because it is easy for me to get sucked into the "who or how many people are viewing or reading this?!" trap...such a time waster and not the reason to get online :S.
Anyway. It's been amazing. Pulling back in some areas, moving forward in others.
The big "follow the Spirit" prompting is to finally prioritize and do those "basics for Mom" every day...even if I don't do them in the morning. Do them. I try to be careful to only plan those on Sunday or in moments of spirituality. My list is crazy long but I have been doing them for almost a week (missing a few things here and there, but striving more valiantly) and it has been incredible. There really is time when you put in those rocks first!
Alright, so onto today's devotional.
I read in 1 Nephi 8 this morning as part of my Spirit-led reading and it was Lehi's dream. Funny. The Spirit directed me to read a specific number of chapters and I almost reasoned my way out of the last one, which was chapter 8. Wow! I would have missed an amazing discussion and experience!
Here is what we did.
Studio C first and it tied in very well!
We then did our flag song and pledge and then I brought up an idea I had from a friend. When she was a kid her mom didn't do a lot of things with them, but she did read to them almost every day. The kids loved it and the mom would give them two warnings if they were goofing off and for the third warning she would close the book and not open it again.
An interesting comment surfaced when I introduced this new trial method to our devotionals and reading time. Liliputian(13) leaned over the Chugger-dude (11) and said something about how this foiled their brilliance in blaming others in the past so no one would get in trouble and I would keep reading. They know when they are doing something wrong. I am not being merciful by not following through when they are unpenitent...but that is a thought for another time. :)
We then started the official devotional by reviewing Lehi's Dream with the following link: Chapter 6: Lehi's Dream
We then did a type of picture study observing this painting on our wall:
We closed after some more great discussion and sang "The Iron Rod" to the music on lds.org. We sang three verses (sped up), had prayer and then did reflection time...again, all interlaced with ah-has and connections! It was powerful. We listened to:
and then shared some final thoughts. Pipalicious (9) pointed out a hymn I don't remember reading before and it was powerful.
Trust the Spirit. Speak of it. Follow it. Wonders will follow.
I have recently started "visualization" and "pondering" as part of my morning routine. Whether it is for one minute or for the recommended 10 full timed minutes, I take the time to picture each of the members of my family in my head. Not with their frustrations, baggage or needs. Just them.
This has changed my heart and I believe this last criteria is the essential part that makes this visualization successful: I imagine or picture them as perhaps God sees them, in a way that makes my heart warm.
Have you ever seen a picture of your child where the photographer just captures who they are?
Those pictures that you want to hang on the wall so you can look at them forever?
I have come to believe that one of the reasons these pictures capture our hearts is because it captures the goodness and beauty of that child, of that person, that inner divinity. THAT is what I visualize.
Everyone has it. Sometimes it is just harder to see it.
Perhaps it is "harder" because every time we think of that person, stress, anxiety, guilt, anger, revenge...all these emotions cloud that picture of our child, hiding these glimpses, these snapshots, under a blur of darkness, like spray painting over the beautiful images of those we love.
When I visualize, if I need to, I picture one of the many pictures around my house that I have taken and printed up of these souls that are in my home. That's what these pictures capture: their body and spirit combined...their soul.
Somehow, visualizing my family one by one this way has kept alive (and rekindled, in some cases) my love, faith and hope in them.
As I write this, I realize that this is the power, too, in another part of the "morning routine" I have been trying to include: looking at myself in the mirror. Correction. Looking past the blemishes and wishes and looking into my eyes. I cannot hold my gaze for long without weeping and feeling God's love for me. I don't know what it is, but it is powerful.
These simple steps that take less than ten minutes (or even five in some quick morning rushes!) have truly changed my heart and brought incredible peace. It is like an anchor, a vision to cling too when worry, anxiety and despair seek to overwhelm me.
It reminds me of this minute and a half video I watched recently:
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This morning, I had a powerful experience with this visualization:
I was going "down the list" (pathetic? perhaps...) and had kind of "skimmed through" a couple (I try to go back if I catch myself doing this) and landed on my darling five year old Papaya. My little ball of fire. My girl who almost leaps buildings and at least trees in a single bound. The one that was dragged out of three different situations in church just yesterday, kicking and screaming literally. Sigh.
I had a home teacher tell me years ago, "I like Papaya. Just don't break her spirit."
Break it? I thought incredulously. I will keep that in mind, but she may just break me!
It is easy to feel at war with children like this. It is incredible how feelings of resentment and anger can fester and be perpetuated over the years...unless you apply this simple routine of visualizing them.
As I visualized my little Papaya this morning, I realized what kind of pictures I have in my head when I seek to find those that fill my heart with love:
--her curled up, vulnerable, as she sleeps
--her gentle eyes in moments like this:
--or even her adventurous, exploring side in moments like this:
This morning, my visualization of this child found this picture:
Flooding into my mind came inspiration as I saw myself. I have so much desire to do, to become...and sometimes it scares me. My "signature quote" at the end of each of my emails reflects these feelings, the one by Marianne Williamson, as quoted by Mandela:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
This child not only senses her potential...sometimes I think that it frightens her. She has a deep desire to love, a great capacity to do. She recognizes that there are rules and social norms but she also recognizes that they may not always be her path. There is a little Joan of Arc in my little one. Is it more important for her to learn to conform to social norms or does she need a little space and direction toward God?
As I visualized my little one, my own journey over the years unfolded. There is so much budding divinity in me that cries to be acted upon. I want to paint, I want to create, I want to read, I want to write, I want to serve, I want to love, I want to spend time with cherished friends and loved ones, I want to learn, I want to play the piano....there are so many opportunities for amazing and wonderful things in my life!!
There are also many routines, rules, patterns and social norms that are encouraged to follow, good and bad ones. Some may seem good and in fact even are good in many situations...just not all.
For instance, my recent dilemma about how we dress as posted in my other blog. I am deciding that it is good to acknowledge and cater to those as long as it doesn't get in the way of higher things. I believe this applies to other rules and social norms. When we let our routines and rules get in the way of something higher, some deeper or more important truth, then something is wrong.
My friend recently directed me to an article that just shaped and clarified my current homeschooling goals.
My 11 year old "found" this hymn during the previous devotional. Reading it again and again has helped shape me as a parent and homeschooler these last few days:
