Preparedness not "Perfection"

The goal of my homeschooling is preparedness, not perfection.  In other words, I teach to create individuals and shape them so they can in turn create and shape and think and apply...not just pass a test.  Perfection is for a test.  Perfection is for life.

As I have been going through and recording videos, it has been a refreshing "go back to basics" process: the why of what I do.  I think this important because we can see false examples of perfection around us (like many people who will read this blog not smelling the poopy diaper of a long-overdue diaper change standing next to me nor see the pile of unfolded--clean!--laundry tickling my "perfection" part of my brain.  Okay, not tickling.  Nagging.  Real life stuff.)

But what is beautiful about what I do at home is that my method is about concepts and principles.  As I seek to improve myself, inevitably I am shown something that I can share with my children along the way. Invariably my own hopes and dreams are tied up in their success.  My path of learning includes organizational skills, self-management (temper!), nutrition and fitness, historical context to the modern mess my children are going to inherit, expanding my own compassion by reading beautiful classics and poems and applying what I watch in movies to myself for the better or worse.  I am seeking to draw closer to God, become one with Him. I am seeking to serve as He would, both in my home and in the community and follow as He leads.

And I share what I am doing with my kids.

And the laundry and bathrooms and the cooking get done eventually.  Okay. I try for once a day, but sometimes the call to write, to share, to snuggle, to change that incredibly odiferous horrible diaper is just stronger. (And no, I don't iron.  The ironing board is simply a place to hang clothes.  Poor Quinn.  Thank goodness for the "wrinkle prevention" setting!)

And sometimes you have to just recognize that the learning for the day will all have to be through life and application and not much "bookish stuff"...like last week when I spent two days helping my oldest prepare for her mission and the others learned how to clean and maintain a home and care for younger siblings for hours on end.

Sometimes, that's what it is.

Because you know something? It has never been about the public school contrived image of "perfection": that 100% on a test or that "A".  What does that success stand for?  Really think about that.  Now think about one of the most capable people you know.  Are they the text-book example of "perfect"? No, chances are, they are prepared...even if it is just moments before.  And chances are, they are just following their gut and trying to find a little joy in the journey while they do it.  Maybe I am shooting for perfection, just a different look at perfection.

I like the following poem--this is my kind of perfection:

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”--Marjorie Hinckley

What do you really want for your kids?  Stop looking around and look within.  God's idea is more along the lines of Joan of Arc or Mark Twain, not the most recent valedictorian, bless their hoop-jumping heart.  What works for some doesn't work for others and chances are, if you are even reading this blog, it is because you recognize that deep down your child is different from that valedictorian and you are seeking some validation.

So go and get that validation where it counts.  Brainstorm the blank page.  Write down at least one thing per child.  Then do it.  

You will be amazed.  

They will be prepared.

Reading with Hava

As I sat here, listening to Hava (6) learn how to read, I realized how much I have changed since I first started homeschooling.  When my oldest were three and four, we started playing with letters.  I pulled out all the little workbooks and tried to come up with incentives to finish them when the novelty wore off.  Fortunately, Tova and Kel were quick learners and that "system" worked for them.

Then came Drew, bless his darling little heart.

That child defied everything.  Anxious that he wouldn't be labeled at church or by relatives, I worked through flashcards, letter games...you name it. I still remember just selecting four very recognizable letters: A, O, S and T.  He must have been at least 5, if not 6 at this point.  "Old enough to know letters," I was sure.  I took the very excited, very enthusiastic tow-head to the couch and explained the different letters, their different shapes and names.  Bobbing his head up and down, he assured me he was ready.  He started bouncing up and down, shouting out random letters whenever I flashed through the cards, "Z!  P!  O!  A!  S!  R!"  It didn't really matter and he only hit a right one every so often.  I finally internally admitted defeat, pasted on a smile for the bouncing, blue-eyed boy eagerly jumping up and down in front of me, and decided the time wasn't right.

And I am so glad I did!

We would pull out the same four flashcards periodically when he would tell me he "wanted to learn to read" or if someone at church or at family gatherings said an unkind comment.  Gradually, we started adding letters, but I remember he was at least 7 and he still wasn't truly reading: recognizing words, putting them together...you name it.  Each time we would do the flashcards, though, it was a game, it was fun, and it was positive.

At 8, something clicked.  He was ready.  He struggled through the first pathway reader, but he was determined and he was ready.  By the second book, the randomly blurted out words coincided more and more with the actual words on the page and hope rose up within me.  By 9, he was reading books like other kids drink koolaid...devouring them whole.  He didn't necessarily understand all of the words, but he understood the books, the messages, the meanings.  I still remember the first time he came to me having finished his first "Childhood of Famous American" series book.

"You finished it already?" I asked skeptically.  His astonished eyes blinked, not completely understanding my implication that he might have skipped parts.  I started quizzing him gently, not trying to show my doubts too obviously.  After close scrutiny, I was satisfied that he had finished it.  His older siblings were similarly skeptical that this non-reader had so quickly transformed to truly the fastest reader in our house.  He still devours books whole.

Every child learns to read best at their own pace and in their own time.

"Leo the Late Bloomer" is a classic story about just such a thing.

 Take Hava.

Her older sister Piper (8) is just feeling like she "knows how to read," and even then is barely reading the beginning of the Pathway Readers series.  However, Hava has been "playing" with the alphabet for years through the occasional Leap Frog videos from the library and our erratic "preschool" classes over the years. Hava, watching her older sister read, wanted to give it a try.  We opened the book last week.  She recognized, comprehended and learned.  She is ready and flying through the book.  Crazy. 

When they first express an interest in reading, I have let my kids read aloud to me off and one out of the first two books of the Pathway series.  At first, I would basically start sounding out the words with them and help them gain confidence and feel simple joy while sitting in front of a book, sounding out words. 

There are two approaches to teaching kids anything in my mind:
#1-you can force them into the ZPD--the zone of proximal discomfort.  This is very common.  The idea behind this is that if a child can do something easily, then you can just push them a little harder to the "next level" to where they feel some discomfort to "help them grow."  In an article I read a long time ago by the DeMilles, they quoted an educational philosopher who spoke of the value of pushing our kids into this zone, this ZPD, when they are older...try post-puberty.  To push a child into this zone at a younger age creates a feeling of frustration associated with the learning process.  They begin to develop negative feelings towards the learning process.  Of course, there is a difference between pushing them into this zone verses challenging them and them arising to the challenge.

#2-(my prefered choice) You do what Pudewa suggests in his presentations: "Teaching Boys & Other Children Who Would Rather Be Building Forts All Day." (This download is completely worth the $3!!)  He suggests you give the child a lot of positive experience in an area, building their confidence in that subject so their approach to it is one of confidence.  "If your child struggles with math, ask him every day, 'What is 10 + 10?' and when he replies every day with '20!' you cheer, 'Wow! You are amazing at math!'"  Not only do they develop a positive association and confidence in that subject, it will make them want to go deeper and push themselves more.  Totally works!

Reading.  It's amazing.  And if they are ready to read at 12 and they are confident about it, how much better to have that than a child that was pushed at 5 and 6 into something that they feel "dumb" at and in the long run reject and don't enjoy it.

Now, just because I don't force it, doesn't mean I just let it go.  We play with letters and sounds from a young age.  I read out loud to my children daily.  I share with them cool quotes out of what I am currently reading or refer to stories I have read.  We go to the library where we select quality books that change lives.  Reading in our house is always the tantalizing reward and my kids cherish books from a young age...even if they don't read "at age level" at first :).

Note on the Pathway Readers series: published by the Amish, full of values and simple repetition with engaging story lines.  None of my children have "finished" the Pathway readers series...so I guess it is a good thing I only bought through grade 3 and then their "Our Heritage" book that my oldest enjoyed.   However, each o