What does it tell me to do right now?
#1: No clubs. No outside groups. Just us. Sigh. I was looking forward to trying to make online/distance groups work, as well as some more sign-language choir with friends. Not now, apparently.
#2: Don't worry. Enjoy learning. Be patient. Learn the lessons God has for you.
#3: Don't force or coerce: just offer classes that I feel inspired to do (see outline later) and move forward in faith
#4: Daily accountability: kids document what they did for the day on a paper for them and me (and the others in the family) to see. (I believe "returning and reporting" is powerful.)
#5: Let the kids lead. For instance, the other day Maia (5) said she wanted to paint the next day. (I felt prompted that she needed more Mom-time and so I asked what she wanted to do together.) "What do you want to paint?" I asked. "The ABCs" she said decidedly.
Rather than look on pinterest, I thought about how we could paint the ABCs. We got out some index cards, painted one letter per card, took turns until all the alphabet letters were painted...and then hung them up! Super cute, she was fulfilled, we learned, we carried it through. No extensive prep or worrying. Time to move on. It was enough.
Spirit now? Paint the house and finish it. Our family needs more room to learn :).
My 11 year old "found" this hymn during the previous devotional. Reading it again and again has helped shape me as a parent and homeschooler these last few days:
Lyrics
1. School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom's voice control.
School thy feelings; there is power
In the cool, collected mind.
Passion shatters reason's tower,
Makes the clearest vision blind.
(Chorus)
School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom's voice control.
2. School thy feelings; condemnation
Never pass on friend or foe,
Though the tide of accusation
Like a flood of truth may flow.
Hear defense before deciding,
And a ray of light may gleam,
Showing thee what filth is hiding
Underneath the shallow stream.
3. Should affliction's acrid vial
Burst o'er thy unsheltered head,
School thy feelings to the trial;
Half its bitterness hath fled.
Art thou falsely, basely, slandered?
Does the world begin to frown?
Gauge thy wrath by wisdom's standard;
Keep thy rising anger down.
4. Rest thyself on this assurance:
Time's a friend to innocence,
And the patient, calm endurance
Wins respect and aids defense.
Noblest minds have finest feelings;
Quiv'ring strings a breath can move;
And the gospel's sweet revealings
Tune them with the key of love.
5. Hearts so sensitively molded
Strongly fortified should be,
Trained to firmness and enfolded
In a calm tranquility.
Wound not willfully another;
Conquer haste with reason's might;
School thy feelings, sister, brother;
Train them in the path of right.
I also felt prompted to share it with my 15 year old Goob, who is going through that beautiful, deep, yet complex transition to manhood. I can see the war within and without as he both struggles with and savors his internal manliness. My inspiration for this moment? Give him some structure and expectations, create a safe, media-free environment (with their dangerous and soul-shaping messages and addictions) for now,...and then stand back and let him shape himself. It is a new inspiration...one that I have probably felt with the older ones and quickly squelched in the paranoia of "we're wasting time!!!" No. This is what God gave you this time for, the Spirit whispers.
I feel like he needs this time to shore up his defenses, like military men in scriptures and other histories. There is a time to attack or engage with the outside world, and a time to build up those bulwarks. This is one of those times apparently.
So what does that look like for us?
Responsibilities
-He has daily "basics" (see above tab "Daily Schedule") and a "Dad job" to do: a job uniquely assigned from his father daily. Sometimes he loves them--like chopping down an old tree in the yard.) and sometimes he, well,...just manfully does them :). He really has a pretty good attitude towards work most of the time.
-I have also felt prompted that they need to do a daily dose of math and check it off along with their basics and jobs. This also goes for piano practice. Their lessons are geared to help them love the songs they play, so it isn't too much of a chore. They need to put in 20 minutes a day. There is no "consequence" per se of not doing them. However, my reasoning is that if they don't fill their brains with good things, then I don't want them filling them with garbage, too :). They can't watch any movies or do any fun screen time on the weekends (or during the week, if it happens then) if they don't have their weekly allotment of music and math done.
-Exercise 5 times a week: with swimming lessons, family basketball one-three times a week, and working out with his dad, this is a no brainer.
-Being kind.
-Dinner help.
This can all be done fairly quickly and he has the rest of the day...relatively media free, which lead to the next part:
Taking Care of Environment
-Books: We felt inspired to have a summer free from the library. It was one of those painful parenting moments, and I felt kind of like what I imagine Lehi of the Book of Mormon felt when he knew the Lord commanded his sons to go back to Jerusalem to get the plates...and probably knew what their reaction would be. Sometimes you just don't want to share with your family what God wants you too! Jonah, Noah, you...we all have those times! But just as in the case of Nineveh or the world, the message does not change just because someone doesn't want to hear it. Fortunately, in this case, I received the awesome confirmation when not all of my children received the news the way I expected it. After a carefully prepared devotional about receiving hard messages (I believe I did use Lehi's example), I told them my prompting. The Goob sat up straighter and said almost joyfully, "Sounds great, Mom!" Somewhat taken aback and genuinely baffled, I approached him later. "So you are okay with that?" I asked tentatively. "Ya, I had been feeling lately like I should stop reading the books I have been reading but was having a hard time and this will help!" Wow. Love the Spirit.
Truly, one of the most important things we can do in our home is to help our children recognize the voice of the Spirit!!
Now, this doesn't mean no reading. Just look at my shelves above. Okay, those are my dream shelves, but I have at least that many carefully selected and purchased books for their perusal. It has been interesting to see the kids change and become more thoughtful in what they choose to read...and those bad behaviors manifest so many times in modern literature (sassy, disobedient, disrespectful, immodest, wanton violence, to name a few) are far less of an influence for a blessed three months.
I have seen my 9-year-old pick up "Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry" and be moved by it's story. I have seen my 7-year-old tackling better books as well as my 11-year old taking on Tom Sawyer. These used to be very familiar types of books to these ages, but are so hard for our modern children to engage in as they sail in the sea of "fluff."
-Screens: We have no computer time during the day unless the child has done 10 minutes of family history. This is based upon this promise from Elder Bednar:
Elder David A. Bednar has promised: “I invite the young people of the Church to learn about and experience the Spirit of Elijah. … I promise [that] you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary. As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives.”20
(I challenge you to find more blessings that come from family history!) Our children need that blessing of protection while on the internet! Anyway, after that 10 minutes of awesomeness (that always spreads to more family history), they can do specific scholastic things on-line. This means, that they come and tell me, "Mom, I am going on the computer to do *specific task*" It provides accountability and purpose in going online.
After 3 pm their flexibility of what they can do increases a bit, but we don't have online games (except for math or typing games). And we don't have a TV right now (plenty of access to news, movies and shows online...so not sure what the difference is there :)!). And we don't really do videos (unless they are "Magic School Bus" or learning type videos during the week). And we don't own any play station...stuff. They can get that from their friends.
Now, don't go and try and model your home after mine. This is a work in progress and has morphed over the years many times. This is what my family needs right now and is based upon specific principles my family needs right now. And, most importantly, it is what the Spirit says is right for our family right now. It will probably change :)!
Compare this to immunizations: some people don't feel immunizations are right for their kids. Some feel they are. Some are more passionate on either end, but the truth is that there are both positive and negative things about immunization. You just need to decide what is best for your family. Some people don't and rely on "herd immunity"--feeling that their children will be safe because everyone around them is immunized. Some people feel that their children are one of those that need the immunization.
I kind of look at this with media: for some people it is fine in all kinds of doses. To others, it can be lethal. It can depend upon which kinds of media just like different immunizations have different side effects.
My point is that media and immunizations can be beneficial and detrimental. We need to seek the inspiration that our family needs, counseling together as parents, and then setting down specific, understandable guidelines or rules in your home.
I feel that the impact of media and gaming on the development of a 15 year old boy can be life-changing. Use with care but don't be afraid to use it. It can be life changing for good as well as they are exposed to great ideas, people and concepts through the wonders of technology. I guess the trick is not to be used by it.
I realized as I read this book aloud to my children the truth that while my children do not always understand what I say, 9 times out of 10 they have her genuine good intention and her genuine mis-understanding of what I am expecting from them or trying to say.
I just need to use the equivalent words like Mrs. Rogers did:
-dusting becomes undusting -drawing the curtains becomes opening the curtains
"Clean the kitchen" becomes a checklist.
In what ways did you do that? It's been a very recent conversation at our house, stepping back. But like in your "which part is mine" post, different kids have different needs. Some I can step back far and easily. Others still need it. Different situations also need different levels of involvement. If others are relying on them to be successful, then I need to help them be successful. If the failure lies solely with them, fine. I've seen others do it completely wrong - canceling a while scout activity because one boy didn't make a call to arrange it, yet the leaders didn't remind and parents probably weren't aware. They call it a lesson, but how embarrassing for the boy. Would he accept that responsibility from them again? Probably not.
What part is mine? These are my answers, but yours may look different. Please post below any you have or ideas you have!! :)
--Weekly accountability meetings: what do you want from Mom? How can I create a class or find a class or experience that will help them? Help facilitate it. Help them set S.M.A.R.T. goals
--Lessons you feel they need to learn: devotionals (moral lessons), work ethic
--Follow-through with consequences
--"Return and Report" opportunities
To allow for failure means that there is something they are failing at: it means they are trying. It means they are reaching. It means they have commitments. My friend's last situation is definitely not failure completely on the scout's part...but there is some ownership of the scout in that situation as well. If the scout wanted it badly enough, he could have insisted or pushed forward. No...not all scouts have that passion or vision nor do they need to have it to be a good scout. But I think every situation has something to learn from...even that last example from my friend.
"What connections can we make from these videos?" or "...this book?"
Thanks to Tiffani's question about how to ask the right question, I have been paying attention to the questions I have been asking. I tend to ask the above question again and again...and again. Or versions like the following: "What did you learn from this?" "What strikes you about these videos?" "What stands out to you?"
As I was rocking my baby while nursing last night, my mind drifted to the question I asked in a recent post: what is the purpose of our education?
One of my goals is to get them to think. I realized, rocking there, that as I ask that question every day of them--in so many ways--whether they answer or not, the idea is placed there that they can make a connection. Some days, we hear crickets. Some days, we compete with each other in the sharing. Phrases like, "that reminds me of a video..." or "that reminds me of a story..." are common. Often, the younger kids will start with comments like "That makes me think of..." or "That makes me feel like..." and we are taught.
Whether the older kids respond or not, the seed is planted that there might be a connection or application and as some of them are opening their minds and hearts more lately in our safer environment (remember Pixar?), I am discovering that all those things we have been discussing over the years has actually been sinking in.
Their minds have been awakened and they know that they can apply what they learned.
This is what I do. I seek to find worth and application in everything I do. Maybe it is born out of a hyper-active desire to do what is worthwhile or validate what I am doing? Whatever the moment, I am seeking to learn from it and apply it. We have had some really cool connective conversations. We have had a lot of quiet, non-answers or distracting situations with kids old and young making noises or being distracting.
But this question, repeated in so many ways, has been planted: what can I take from this? How can this make me better? Why does it matter? Everything changes us, for good or ill. Maybe if nothing else, my kids are learning this? I don't know! I will ask them today :).
