Choosing the Best Patterns of Education for your Family

After devotional this morning, Pipalicious (10) asked the question: what is the difference between doodling and drawing?  We came to the conclusion that the biggest difference between them is that with drawing, you start out with a goal in mind, while with doodling, whether with a pattern or method or abstract, doesn't begin with an end in mind.

After another song of reflection, Hava (8) piped up and said, "I think that doodling is like us in our life. Sometimes we are wandering around and don't know where we are.  And then when God comes in it is like He helps you to draw your life and it helps you."

Profound.

I have felt so blessed as I have just sought to follow the Spirit in our homeschooling curriculum. I am still very imperfect at trusting my promptings and sometimes default to "overplan"/"overschedule" mode, but I have become better at recognizing what that feels like (blegh!) and so try to stop what I am doing when I feel that way and re-evaluate and seek inspiration once again.

After talking with my missionary Lek, I have also been considering on the value of an inspired schedule and the blessing that come with being obedient to it.  If it is truly inspired, I need to have faith that it is important.


Some "patterns" that are helpful and inspiring for our family, some patterned after D&C 88:
-meals together
-basics/jobs done by 9 am
-exercise
-worship at church and at home
-four lenses (one week a month loosely dedicated to each one)
-temple attendance (whatever regularity God tells us to do)
-family history daily
-monthly themes to help us revisit important fundamental questions about ourselves and the world around us. (I use these to guide the topics of my devotionals and family reading...among other things.)

One of the biggest, constant components of our regular, inspired schedule is devotional which, some mornings like this morning, last over an hour.  But to have the results of the above conversation?...priceless.

Earlier in the devotional, we talked about patterns we can follow (following up on our FHE last night on "A Pattern In All Things" talk from 1990:https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1990/10/a-pattern-in-all-things?lang=eng).  Good patterns.  Bad patterns.  I read from two sweet kids books that Hava "happened" to give me, saying, "why don't we read these?"  The books fit perfectly into the idea of patterns. ("If You Plant a Seed" and "Cinderella CTR.")  We talked about patterns of God, like being honest.  Choosing the right.  We talked about consequences.  We drew pictures of flowers and talked about how everyone's daily pattern, like those flowers, will look different.  And each is beautiful.  And then we had the awesome discussion sparked by my girls at the end of reflection time, another part of our inspired plan for us.

I have been just trying to follow the Spirit with my homeschooling.  I have a loose focus on a different lens every week. If it is the Geo-conquest week, I will cover geography from wherever we are reading in history or in our read-aloud book.  Eureka week, we will play more math games or pick up my "In the Beginning" science book and have a few days of fun immersion in science.  Imaginative Arts week, we will bring out the paints, art, whatever.   Every week is Leadership week in my home :).  That is my main focus. Sometimes I use those in between weeks for "getting back to basics."  You could definitely term them "leadership academy

However, I am not limited to this pattern.  The biggest "pattern" is this: pray, offer my loaves and fishes to God, read my scriptures, go to the temple as often as I feel I can and then move forward with what God tells me to do. If He has no new inspiration, I can settle comfortably into my sub-patterns.  I seek to engage in spiritual experiences as often as I can and then when God tells me to be still and move on, I will.  The Bread and Water of life which is our Savior and His enabling Atonement are truly life-giving and sustaining.

Look at Joseph Smith!  He learned so much in the middle of an insane life full of tribulation and sheer busy-ness.  We, too, can, when our focus is on God.

Patterns.  We are each trying to take a look at the patterns, good and bad, that have in our life.  Each of us in our family. It is neat to hear the unique tweaking God has for each of us.

One thing I felt inspired to do was to prepare the play, "Antigone."  We found a translation online and we are memorizing most of it, with only major parts edited out for our little Pipalicious, who is the chorus with many lines.  As we have reviewed and rehearsed it, it is amazing all that we are learning in the process: political questions, moral questions, elocution, memorization, presentation, clarity, emotions.  As in any good play, the writer has captured many extremes of human emotion and by acting them out, we can see their reflection in ourselves.  Ahhhh....the beauty of the arts.

I put this inspiration off for a few months.  I mean, what kind of crazy person puts on an ancient Greek play with 6 people ranging from a mom to an 8 year old??  But here we are.  And I am learning through the lens of God's pattern for my family.  I love to sit back and watch the Spirit through books, media and other arts work the miracle of education in our home!

Just need to remember this moment of happiness and trust more when it seems there is so much more my children could be learning when they are all giggling together with the baby in the front room like they are now :D.

I have been hesitant to post anything here for a little while.  Like when we spent two weeks after learning about the 7 Wonders having the kids do prezi "7 Wonder" presentations of their own...finding whatever they thought was wonderous about the world.  We learned about animals, the Outback, extreme sports and the Restoration...all examples of wonders that were covered.  It was meaningful, self-education and teaching that taught so much!  And it all came after learning briefly about the Ancient Wonders and thinking, "What would I consider the 7 most wondrous things ever?" I had each kid assigned a day to present on and we did it!  Super cool.

But to blog about that, I can just see someone saying, "Oh!  I want to do that idea!" Well, it will be an awesome idea if it feels right and not just that you are trying to duplicate someone else's awesomeness because you don't have faith in your own.

Revisit Oliver DeMille's "Eighth Key" speech so many years ago, wherein he spoke about how all mentors need to have a firm conviction of the genius of everyone.  Including themselves.  It is hard for children to believe they have genius and awesomeness when they are daily confronted with an adult who does not see the genius and awesomeness of themselves. And says so. God can work with all of our geniuses.  Begin to trust.  Begin to experiment with God-inspired schedules and patterns that are unique to your family.  It is incredible. It is freeing.  It is true, individually-tailored leadership education.  It is a pattern for peace as you rest each night knowing that you did exactly what God told you to do and having confidence that what He has to say is enough.

(Link to DeMille's speech: $5.99...might be worth it.  If you feel prompted to :D.)

Musings over the past few months

So it has been an interesting couple of months since I last posted.

I have been doing "Walden" work: watching, judging, determining the regular ebbs and flows, the questions and requests kids have made...

"I miss Beautiful Girlhood!"
"Can we do Anatomy today?"
"When are we going to do Author's in the Attic?"

I have also been watching the emergence of my two, wonderful oldest out of the home.  The journey has not been what people would call easy or seamless.  Their paths definitely didn't follow a traditional path...but they are ready.  I do have regrets, things I want to do differently with the others, but looking back I can see how God can use even those "mistakes" for the good of my children, for them with their (and mine!) strengths and weaknesses.

Self-determination.  Ownership.  The beauty of failure.

In an agency-based home, there is always a tricky balance between parent-led classes and education and student-led.  As a parent, I should inspire, assess and sometimes even demand certain topics or classes.  Sometimes I need to give my kids room to fail.

I got an interesting letter from my daughter right after she left on her mission.  She thanked me for giving her more freedom to pursue her own education over this last year...even the opportunity to fail and learn from it.  I have been thinking about that a lot lately.

We have still done some math (one of those demand things, I am afraid, to at least know their math facts, although I try to make it as fun and painless as possible). We have been doing Latin because of my 14 year old's desire to finish reading all the Oliver DeMille top 100 reading list for teens. (The kids all love it...we just do a couple sections out of "Getting Started With Latin" each day together.)  We have been going to the farm to do work and explore. We have been to DC twice and done many other field trips. I have been playing more games with them, per the Spirit's direction for several months...I am finally doing it!

Oh, and of course devotionals every day.

But other than that, the kids have been just focusing on doing their jobs and then I just hold them accountable by having them list everything they did that day either at the end of that day or the beginning of the next.  Drew and I have been bonding over seminary.

I have been working on some serious inner balances, if that is the best way to put it.  We have been reading aloud "Remembering Isaac," I finished my "Amish Parenting" book, and I am now reading "The Gift of Imperfection" by Brown (watch the language on this one).  Between these books, watching my oldest two getting ready to and actually leaving the nest, and some ah-has I have had while doing a couple family history/scrapbooking projects, I see that God is using this time to teach me to slow down.

I have been crazy busy doing project to project for so many years, pushing myself, demanding false, unattainable perfection of myself and my children (and my husband, come to think of it) for so many years that I am realizing that I have an unhealthy "base operating level." I have become very list-obsessed in my effort to "do the right thing" and am finding a new place to be.  A new happiness.  A new place of content amidst the seeming imperfection.

I love how Ms. Brown puts it in her book:

"Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement adn growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight.

Perfectionism is not self-improvement.  Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance.  Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports).  Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is self-focused--How can I improve?  Perfectionism is other-focused--What will they think? (pg 56)

My thoughts about expectations and reasons for why I parent and live the way I do are very meditative right now.  I spend many hours at night quietly reflecting over my previous day and looking at my modus operandi--what I do and why I do it.  I am moving away from beating myself up for it and trying to learn from it and create new brain bridges or plans of response.

Meanwhile, the kids and my husband are just becoming more and more beautiful, more and more inspirational and fun.  It is a crazy thing.

My reason for sharing all of this is not because this should be someone else's journey.  On a deep level, I am trying to be more still, trusting God and letting Him guide me and tell me when to stop.  Why is that so hard? I don't know, but it is what our homeschool needs right now.  Your need may be the same or different, but I am sure it will be different books, different blogs and different activities that get you where you need to be.   We just need to stop and listen.

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.


Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.


Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,
'cause you never had time to call and say hi?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.


When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it's like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life isn't a race, so take it slower,hear the music before your song is over. 

The Question that Never Gets Old

"What connections can we make from these videos?" or "...this book?"

Thanks to Tiffani's question about how to ask the right question, I have been paying attention to the questions I have been asking.  I tend to ask the above question again and again...and again. Or versions like the following:
"What did you learn from this?"
"What strikes you about these videos?"
"What stands out to you?"

As I was rocking my baby while nursing last night, my mind drifted to the question I asked in a recent post: what is the purpose of our education?

One of my goals is to get them to think.  I realized, rocking there, that as I ask that question every day of them--in so many ways--whether they answer or not, the idea is placed there that they can make a connection.  Some days, we hear crickets.  Some days, we compete with each other in the sharing.  Phrases like, "that reminds me of a video..." or  "that reminds me of a story..." are common.  Often, the younger kids will start with comments like "That makes me think of..." or "That makes me feel like..." and we are taught.

Whether the older kids respond or not, the seed is planted that there might be a connection or application and as some of them are opening their minds and hearts more lately in our safer environment (remember Pixar?), I am discovering that all those things we have been discussing over the years has actually been sinking in.

Their minds have been awakened and they know that they can apply what they learned.

This is what I do. I seek to find worth and application in everything I do. Maybe it is born out of a hyper-active desire to do what is worthwhile or validate what I am doing?  Whatever the moment, I am seeking to learn from it and apply it.  We have had some really cool connective conversations.  We have had a lot of quiet, non-answers or distracting situations with kids old and young making noises or being distracting.

But this question, repeated in so many ways, has been planted: what can I take from this?  How can this make me better?  Why does it matter?

Everything changes us, for good or ill.  Maybe if nothing else, my kids are learning this? I don't know!  I will ask them today :).

Seeing Homeschooling Through the Eye of Faith

Oh my dear friends who are following me through these pages!!! I love you.  I hear your struggle.


Carry on, keep going. You look at my homeschooling, see my amazing children and wish and wonder.  All I have done is "fail," start over, "fail," start over, "fail,"...and then realize with each perceived "failure" we were actually stumbling forward and our "mistakes" taught us and refined us, making us as much the people we are today as our "successes."

I heard it said that you should only plan on one day in ten being a "good" homeschooling day.  Looking back, I realize that those days that I thought were wasted, when we went off the planned path and argued all day, seeking resolution, trying to fix relationships, dealing with our very human-ness.

It reminds me of a quote someone shared at my son's funeral so many years ago:

I am especially impressed as I consider the week leading to His death: the chief priests challenged His authority, tried to trap Him, and twice conspired to kill Him. In Gethsemane, while His disciples slept, He suffered the sins of all mankind and bled from every pore. He was betrayed, arrested, questioned, struck, spat upon, and beaten. After interrogation by the ruling council, He was mocked by Herod and finally taken to Pilate, where He was made to stand before an angry mob. Whipped and crowned with thorns, He was forced to carry His cross to Golgotha. Nails were driven into His hands and feet. His body was raised up between common thieves. Soldiers cast lots for His earthly possessions, and vinegar was given to quench His thirst. After six hours, 20 He commended His spirit into the hands of His Father, gave up the ghost, and died.When we observe the last week of the Savior’s life from our earthly perspective, our first impression may be one of suffering and destruction. We may see only the Savior’s mother and others weeping at the cross, soldiers afraid, the earth in great commotion, rocks broken up, the veil of the temple rent in twain, and three hours of darkness covering the land. A similar scene of storms and destruction unfolded in the New World. In short, we see the terrible tempest raging.But look again—this time through the eye of faith.

In the last, most agonizing weeks of His life, consider that Jesus taught, testified, lifted, blessed, and strengthened those around Him. He raised Lazarus from the dead, taught about His Father, set the temple in order, gave several parables, witnessed the widow offering her mite, instructed His disciples about the signs of His Second Coming, visited the house of Simon the leper, instituted the sacrament, washed the feet of the Apostles, and taught His disciples to love one another. He testified of His divinity as the Son of God and taught of the Comforter—the Holy Ghost. In His great Intercessory Prayer, He prayed to His Father for His Apostles and all who believe on their words, “that they might have [His] joy fulfilled in themselves.” 21In His darkest hour, the light of peace and joy did not fade. It grew brighter! After His death, He appeared to Mary Magdalene. What joy must have been felt that morning as the news spread: “He is risen”! 22 In time He came to the women on the road, to Cleopas and a disciple who were traveling to Emmaus, to the Apostles and disciples in the upper room, to Thomas, who doubted, and to others. Again, there was joy and rejoicing in the Atonement and the Resurrection. 23...
My brothers and sisters, however dark conditions may seem in this world today, whatever the storms we are facing personally, in our homes and our families, this joy can be ours now. Sometimes we don’t understand death, illness, mental and physical disabilities, personal tragedies, war, and other conflict. Some of these are a necessary part of our mortal probation. Others, as Enoch foresaw, are part of the preparation for the Savior’s Second Coming, when “the heavens shall be darkened, and a veil of darkness shall cover the earth; and the heavens shall shake, and also the earth; and great tribulations shall be among the children of men, but,” said the Lord, “my people will I preserve.” And when Enoch saw all these things, he “received a fulness of joy.” 25

 Now look at your amazing children with the "eye of faith."  Look at your homeschooling.
You  were called to be your children's parent. 
Short "Awesomeness" from Uchtdorf (40 secs)
Follow the Spirit.  Look into your children's eyes and see their greatness...they will feel your sincerity.  And they will rise to it.   Create an environment of learning--free from distraction and full of respect--and defend it with your dying breath.  Do it for them.  Do it for your own education, your education that embraces and includes the realization of your children of their bright and powerful mission.

Mission Impossible: The Adult Without Gaps

As I prepared for my most recent presentation about "homeschooling fears," I thought a great deal about fears that haunt homeschoolers:

-socialization
-curriculum
-adequate time
-enough patience

Many of these fears need to be looked squarely in the eye to identify, what is it that I am really afraid of?

One of these fears (and a concern I hear over and over again either directly or subliminally) is that "I am afraid that I will either not know 'enough' or teach 'enough' to make my child into a well-rounded adult."  When we look that fear head on, I believe many of us are paranoid that we will not teach our children everything.  And I mean that, everything.  We see ideas in a book, curriculum on another homeschoolers shelf, or even just "remember all that we have forgotten" from our own homeschooling and the panic sets in.

Okay...let's look that fear in the face.  What adult do we know that knows as much as we in the back of our fear-filled minds stress about "making sure" our children know?  We as adults have our strengths, our passions,...our weaknesses.  And, somehow, for the most part, we are all doing just fine.

So how do we know what to teach?  That is one reason I love the four lens approach.  I know that if I am teaching, connecting, and applying the beauty of looking at and for truth using the different lenses, my children are learning how to do the same.  The area of specializing or the actual "tools" we are using to look for truth may vary: writing vs. speaking, biology vs. geology, algebra vs. geometry, American history vs. world history.  We will emphasize or highlight some more than others.

However, this brings me back to something I remind myself of often...why do we teach them?

I just read a fantastic article called "A School in Zion" by Jeffery Holland (the link takes you to a more complete version than the one I read).  In it, Jeffery Holland says this:

"The connectedness of things is what the educator [must pursue]," said Mark Van Doren.  "No human capacity is great enough to permit a vision of the world as simple, but if the educator does not aim at the vision no one else will, and the consequences are dire when no one does...

"[We need a school] to help [students] sort through much intellectual nonsense that is inevitably in an inert swamp of facts."

If I wanted my children to simply memorize and regurgitate facts as the objective of my homeschooling, I could easily hand them the internet and say, "have fun!"  or "let's do trivia games!"  There is a place for memorization, but as a tool and a means and not as the end itself.    We have been blessed with more knowledge at our fingertips than we will ever know what to do with. I believe this has been true for several centuries, sure that even Thomas Jefferson had books on his shelf that he never got to and wish he could have read.

However, knowing what to do with information, how to give it context in our minds, how to apply it and let it change our lives, that is my objective.  We have a super-highway bogged down with more truths and half-truths and outright lies than one person will be able to read in a lifetime, let alone process.  Let us create students who know how to find and identify truth and apply it in a life-changing, world-changing way!  "Inert swamp of facts," indeed!

Using the four lenses and focusing on principles opens the way to make those connections and find truth all at the same time!  From there, interests in particular subjects (biology, Japanese, the history of WWII) are kindled and depth happens quite on its own.

For example (because we all like examples, right?) we are talking about motivation this week.  I am going to be teaching the chapter on paths that light travels in the "In the Beginning" science text by Wiles today. In it, he teaches about fiber optics and how light can be "bent" to follow a path.  There is a great yet simple experiment involving a 2-liter bottle, water, and light like the image at the left (although I do not have a cool green light :)...).  (It didn't work, but apparently Bill Nye covered it in the video I had them watch...sweet!)

As you can see, the light actually bends to follow the path of the water.  We will talk about how our motivation will bend our light, our testimony, our goodness into the path we are motivated to follow.  As we have read books aloud this week, encountered information from the news, or even looked at our behavior one towards another, we have discussed questions like "what is the motivation behind this?" or "what are we seeking for by doing this or that?"  Even my 6 year old is making connections and looking for examples of motivation--for good or bad!--in the world around her.

Now, having done the above science experiment, my children (the boys in particular) know that they love science and looking at the world scientifically.  Will that not serve them well when they are older and come across a course on biology or chemistry or physics? They will be able to delve deeper, gaining more understanding of laws and insight into current theories about how this amazing universe of ours runs.  As Stephen Hawking puts it in his short essay, Our Picture of the Universe (from "A Brief History of Time"), "the eventual goal of science is to provide a single theory that describes the whole universe."

In my context, to become like God, to know as He knows and think like He thinks.

Ancient mathematicians concurred that math was the pursuit of truth: truth that they identified and organized into numerical and conceptual patterns that reflected that truth.

If we know the why of what we are teaching, it becomes more attainable to teach it without getting bogged down by the scope of everything we are not (and cannot realistically!!!!) teach our children on our own.  Let us teach them, rather, how to use the different lenses, the different true ways of discovering knowledge and applying it and then awaken in them in the process an excitement with making connections and finding context to the truths they are learning!  The depth will come.

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(http://momlifetoday.com/2011/10/homeschooling-fears/...great article about fears and homeschooling!)