When "You" and When "Them"

One thing I have struggled with over the years is how to do my own education to inspire my children but how to make sure I am there for them when they need it since I feel more accountable for their learning right now than pursuing all the wonderful things I could learn about :D.

Someone on the Mentoring in the Classics" series suggested setting the example but always being willing to stop when they need it (unless you can't) and engage with them. I liked this idea.

Today, I learned how to apply it in a different way.

My girls have asked me for some time during our mentor meetings to go running with someone: "girls" meaning Hava (9) and Maia (7).  It hasn't really panned out but as I was reviewing previous meetings with them, I saw that written down.  When I asked them if they still wanted to, they were thrilled.

I set aside some time this morning, got into my exercise clothes and we started to leave. "Me go to park!" my little 2 year old called after us and started getting ready.  Can't leave that kind of cuteness behind!

We got out to the skate park and apparently we each had a different idea of "running."  I suggested we follow each other around, taking turns being the leader.  Hava spent most of her time following Eli around and making sure he wasn't cold by giving him his coat.  When it was her turn to lead, she joined us and held Eli's hand the whole time while he ran around and set our pace.

Maia spent most of her time running up and down skate-park ramps at lightning speed and leaping about every third step.

As I lumbered along behind her in my post-delivery physical condition, I thought about how different this was than the "run laps" I had envisioned.  "This is Them time, Mary.  If you want to exercise your way, do it in You time."

Perfect! I need to approach ideas for activities and classes that they initiate seeking to do what they want.  My husband has been a great example of this over the years.  When we go running, I know he is not getting a complete workout when we go my speed and I am not going his speed!  But he does it.  He enjoys it. I know if I need mentoring, he could help me out, but he never offers it unless it seems I want it. He has perfect faith in my ability and ownership over my exercise and lets me lead the way. 

So now when I am doing kid-initiated activities, it is all about them.  When it is my studies, or pushing someone, or laying out master educational plans it is for me.

Building Block Lessons

Rachel DeMille suggests spending 15 minutes of one-on-one time with a child doing an activity of their choice. This morning I happened to be home "alone" with my baby and my 2 year old.  The baby fell asleep so I was going to get some things "done."  My Eli came up to me, asking to play with blocks.  The recommendation of Rachel came to mind so I sat down and played with him.

What I learned:
--to build higher, you need to build more foundation (true with education, character, goals...)
--sometimes my building buddy would build himself precariously high, so I had to quickly build a side tower to support it (sometimes God, our building buddy, or mentors will supplement our learning with ideas to strengthen our weak towers)
--"build higher, bigger!" was always the goal of my child (our goals are sometimes too much on the loftiness of our learning)
--fun of destruction and starting over again (there is no fear, discouragement or sadness in a 2 year olds accidental/purposeful wreckage of a tower...just delight in being able to rebuild.  Do we feel the same when our worlds "collapse"?)

The lessons kept coming as we kept building.

As well might man stretch forth his puny arm to stop the Missouri river in its decreed course, or to turn it up stream, as to hinder the Almighty from pouring down knowledge from heaven...

 

Benefits of Genius Mentality

Another great book next to "Dumbing Us Down" about a teacher who triumphs in the school system is "Teach Like Your Hair is on Fire" by Esquith (which is a really interesting listen to on audio as I believe the author is the one that narrated the one I listened to.) He brings up how one of his goals is to change how the kids motivate themselves to do things by teaching them what he calls the six orientations of motivation: 1) (Lowest) Obedience/Punishment orientation: How can I avoid punishment? 2) Self-interest orientation: What's in it for me? 3) Interpersonal/Conformity orientation: How does this make me look? 4) Authority/Social Order orientation: Law and order, what are the rules? 5) Social Contract orientation: What is my duty? 6) Universal Ethical orientation: ...because it is right. He treated them in the orientation he wanted them to respond in, and they rose to it! After being reminded of these 6 levels through reading "Dumbing Us Down" and of course Gatto's words himself, I was primed to deal with a situation in our family in a new and better way. My husband and I have been concerned with how late our kids go to bed. Our concern was also the "collateral" damage of agency: the younger kids being up past their bedtimes because of rambunctious older ones in our relatively small house (3 bedrooms, 10 kids...makes things interesting!). We also had impressionable transition to youth kids who tended to stay up just because their older siblings were. We decided to address it through family council rather than scholar contract (which in hindsight may have been better) and we initially came up with a system that became riddled with rules, battles of interpretation, and quibbling with semantics. I hate rules for this reason. When we came back together to "evaluate" (renegotiate), my husband proposed a plan to throw the old system out for a while but if people didn't govern themselves well, reinstate our recent rule set-up. The tenor of his suggestion went against what I had been studying in this course, which is that people will want to govern themselves when taught correct principles (and shown them by their parents, which we haven't been doing very well with in light of our 1 month old youngest :S). I suggested that rather than phrase our "new policy" that way, instead we say, "Let's set aside the rules, reconsider the principles, and trust that the young adults will naturally want to succeed, want to be healthy, and will figure out a way to do it." Inspire, not require, right? And no threats :). I was so impressed with the kids! After we had the conversation that changed the tenor of our discussion from "threats" to "expectations of responsibility and genius," they all went to bed by 9 pm that night!! And it hasn't been a battle since! I am so grateful for the timing of this course...of course, it might have been helpful in similar situations over the years, but it was wonderful to see the principles work in action. Genius mentality does not come naturally to me in action, unfortunately :). Another interesting companion read is "Punished By Rewards" by Alfie Kohn, which is a little extreme but has similar ideas.

Stepping Back and Watching in Wonder!

I am super excited to take action with my homeschooling using what I have learned this week!

I am reading "Dumbing Us Down" by Gatto again and am learning and re-learning some great lessons.  The biggest one, trust the children.  Get out of their way.  This matches what I have learned from my current "Mentoring the Classics" course online from Oliver and Rachel DeMille, that if we are experiencing burn-out, frustration or just starting homeschooling and looking for direction, the most important two things to create are good relationships and a good environment.  Then everything else will fall into place.  Of course, there are components and individual ways to create those two things, and the answers to what they are are as diverse as the families we have.

My answer is to step back.  Get out of my kids way.  Have faith in their ability to learn.  Have faith in their genius, that they want to learn, want to succeed, want to fulfill a mission.

My other answer is to take note of their progress: like that Maia (7) is adding double digit columns and Hava (9) loves to do problems with multiplication and division families.  That Liesl is focusing her eyes more and knows that if she roots, I will feed her and she doesn't need to cry.  That Xai (4) and Eli (2) are learning how to say sorry and that kind words can make things better.  That Drew (16) is learning that in public school it is socially acceptable to be rude to teachers...and that he is not okay with that.  That Hyrum has rediscovered the wonder of reading and has gone through the Micheal Vey series like there is no tomorrow and even threw in The Giver, since we watched the movie and I wanted them to read the book as well.  That Lily has a passion for Marine Biology like her father and is working her way through our Apologia Marine Biology book on her own and with a vigor I haven't seen in her for a subject (besides reading) for years.  That Piper is learning that it is not a series of check-lists or specific expectations but the spirit behind those rules and check-lists that should be honored.

This answer came after reading the companion book to Gatto as recommended in the course, "How Children Learn." I think it is in the first 20 pages in the book when Holt refers to a record a mother kept of the development of her child's verbal and reading skills, just as an interested observer.  He spoke of the child noticing this journal taking and the interest they took in it.  While it does not seem like the typical approach to homeschooling, I feel prompted to implement it at this time.

So my homeschooling will be focused on the following three activities:
--brainstorming the blank page (taught by the DeMille's) weekly with the genius of that child in mind
--Weekly Mentoring/Accountability meetings with each child with the importance of helping and getting out of their way at the same time :D...definitely a prayerful challenge! (Teach correct principles and then encourage them to follow them...)
--documenting their progress individually, watch them in wonder as their genius unfolds in small and simple ways!  See how they learn!  See what their focus is on!

This reminds me of Thoreau's "Walden" where he says to take a day and let the bells ring and see how things are going normally before seeking to impose into or redirect towards activities that we feel are important.  Maybe I get to take a season to do the same?  I am excited to see what my children show me!

Now, we already have good work ethics/habits/systems in place with correction when needed.  I also have "classes" set up per their request to improve areas they feel they need for their genius. I further share what I am learning in my own personal studies with them.  We had a great schedule of time and not content that I try to protect from appointments and distractions.  So those are not priorities for my focus right now, although they are essential ingredients to make it possible for me to focus on my three areas.

It is so cool that we can each feel a direction to particular areas to focus on!  We can work on those areas until either they are engrained into habit or obsolete, at which time we put them to the side until they are needful and relevant again...if ever.  So beautiful!