Quinn. pause. focus. visualize. love. Tova. pause, focus,....
This has changed my heart and I believe this last criteria is the essential part that makes this visualization successful: I imagine or picture them as perhaps God sees them, in a way that makes my heart warm.
Have you ever seen a picture of your child where the photographer just captures who they are?
Those pictures that you want to hang on the wall so you can look at them forever?
I have come to believe that one of the reasons these pictures capture our hearts is because it captures the goodness and beauty of that child, of that person, that inner divinity. THAT is what I visualize.
Everyone has it. Sometimes it is just harder to see it.
Perhaps it is "harder" because every time we think of that person, stress, anxiety, guilt, anger, revenge...all these emotions cloud that picture of our child, hiding these glimpses, these snapshots, under a blur of darkness, like spray painting over the beautiful images of those we love.
When I visualize, if I need to, I picture one of the many pictures around my house that I have taken and printed up of these souls that are in my home. That's what these pictures capture: their body and spirit combined...their soul.
Somehow, visualizing my family one by one this way has kept alive (and rekindled, in some cases) my love, faith and hope in them.
As I write this, I realize that this is the power, too, in another part of the "morning routine" I have been trying to include: looking at myself in the mirror. Correction. Looking past the blemishes and wishes and looking into my eyes. I cannot hold my gaze for long without weeping and feeling God's love for me. I don't know what it is, but it is powerful.
These simple steps that take less than ten minutes (or even five in some quick morning rushes!) have truly changed my heart and brought incredible peace. It is like an anchor, a vision to cling too when worry, anxiety and despair seek to overwhelm me.
It reminds me of this minute and a half video I watched recently:
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This morning, I had a powerful experience with this visualization:
I was going "down the list" (pathetic? perhaps...) and had kind of "skimmed through" a couple (I try to go back if I catch myself doing this) and landed on my darling five year old Papaya. My little ball of fire. My girl who almost leaps buildings and at least trees in a single bound. The one that was dragged out of three different situations in church just yesterday, kicking and screaming literally. Sigh.
I had a home teacher tell me years ago, "I like Papaya. Just don't break her spirit."
Break it? I thought incredulously. I will keep that in mind, but she may just break me!
It is easy to feel at war with children like this. It is incredible how feelings of resentment and anger can fester and be perpetuated over the years...unless you apply this simple routine of visualizing them.
As I visualized my little Papaya this morning, I realized what kind of pictures I have in my head when I seek to find those that fill my heart with love:
--her curled up, vulnerable, as she sleeps
--her gentle eyes in moments like this:
--or even her adventurous, exploring side in moments like this:
This morning, my visualization of this child found this picture:
Flooding into my mind came inspiration as I saw myself. I have so much desire to do, to become...and sometimes it scares me. My "signature quote" at the end of each of my emails reflects these feelings, the one by Marianne Williamson, as quoted by Mandela:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
This child not only senses her potential...sometimes I think that it frightens her. She has a deep desire to love, a great capacity to do. She recognizes that there are rules and social norms but she also recognizes that they may not always be her path. There is a little Joan of Arc in my little one. Is it more important for her to learn to conform to social norms or does she need a little space and direction toward God?
As I visualized my little one, my own journey over the years unfolded. There is so much budding divinity in me that cries to be acted upon. I want to paint, I want to create, I want to read, I want to write, I want to serve, I want to love, I want to spend time with cherished friends and loved ones, I want to learn, I want to play the piano....there are so many opportunities for amazing and wonderful things in my life!!
There are also many routines, rules, patterns and social norms that are encouraged to follow, good and bad ones. Some may seem good and in fact even are good in many situations...just not all.
For instance, my recent dilemma about how we dress as posted in my other blog. I am deciding that it is good to acknowledge and cater to those as long as it doesn't get in the way of higher things. I believe this applies to other rules and social norms. When we let our routines and rules get in the way of something higher, some deeper or more important truth, then something is wrong.
My friend recently directed me to an article that just shaped and clarified my current homeschooling goals.
It goes right along with what I feel I need to do with my Papaya. And myself.
Follow the Spirit. Visualize them. Pray for charity, for myself and for others.
