My 11 year old "found" this hymn during the previous devotional. Reading it again and again has helped shape me as a parent and homeschooler these last few days:
Lyrics
I also felt prompted to share it with my 15 year old Goob, who is going through that beautiful, deep, yet complex transition to manhood. I can see the war within and without as he both struggles with and savors his internal manliness. My inspiration for this moment? Give him some structure and expectations, create a safe, media-free environment (with their dangerous and soul-shaping messages and addictions) for now,...and then stand back and let him shape himself. It is a new inspiration...one that I have probably felt with the older ones and quickly squelched in the paranoia of "we're wasting time!!!" No. This is what God gave you this time for, the Spirit whispers.
I feel like he needs this time to shore up his defenses, like military men in scriptures and other histories. There is a time to attack or engage with the outside world, and a time to build up those bulwarks. This is one of those times apparently.
So what does that look like for us?
Responsibilities
-He has daily "basics" (see above tab "Daily Schedule") and a "Dad job" to do: a job uniquely assigned from his father daily. Sometimes he loves them--like chopping down an old tree in the yard.) and sometimes he, well,...just manfully does them :). He really has a pretty good attitude towards work most of the time.
-I have also felt prompted that they need to do a daily dose of math and check it off along with their basics and jobs. This also goes for piano practice. Their lessons are geared to help them love the songs they play, so it isn't too much of a chore. They need to put in 20 minutes a day. There is no "consequence" per se of not doing them. However, my reasoning is that if they don't fill their brains with good things, then I don't want them filling them with garbage, too :). They can't watch any movies or do any fun screen time on the weekends (or during the week, if it happens then) if they don't have their weekly allotment of music and math done.
-Exercise 5 times a week: with swimming lessons, family basketball one-three times a week, and working out with his dad, this is a no brainer.
-Being kind.
-Dinner help.
This can all be done fairly quickly and he has the rest of the day...relatively media free, which lead to the next part:
Taking Care of Environment
-Books: We felt inspired to have a summer free from the library. It was one of those painful parenting moments, and I felt kind of like what I imagine Lehi of the Book of Mormon felt when he knew the Lord commanded his sons to go back to Jerusalem to get the plates...and probably knew what their reaction would be. Sometimes you just don't want to share with your family what God wants you too! Jonah, Noah, you...we all have those times! But just as in the case of Nineveh or the world, the message does not change just because someone doesn't want to hear it. Fortunately, in this case, I received the awesome confirmation when not all of my children received the news the way I expected it. After a carefully prepared devotional about receiving hard messages (I believe I did use Lehi's example), I told them my prompting. The Goob sat up straighter and said almost joyfully, "Sounds great, Mom!" Somewhat taken aback and genuinely baffled, I approached him later. "So you are okay with that?" I asked tentatively. "Ya, I had been feeling lately like I should stop reading the books I have been reading but was having a hard time and this will help!" Wow. Love the Spirit.
Truly, one of the most important things we can do in our home is to help our children recognize the voice of the Spirit!!
Now, this doesn't mean no reading. Just look at my shelves above. Okay, those are my dream shelves, but I have at least that many carefully selected and purchased books for their perusal. It has been interesting to see the kids change and become more thoughtful in what they choose to read...and those bad behaviors manifest so many times in modern literature (sassy, disobedient, disrespectful, immodest, wanton violence, to name a few) are far less of an influence for a blessed three months.
I have seen my 9-year-old pick up "Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry" and be moved by it's story. I have seen my 7-year-old tackling better books as well as my 11-year old taking on Tom Sawyer. These used to be very familiar types of books to these ages, but are so hard for our modern children to engage in as they sail in the sea of "fluff."
-Screens: We have no computer time during the day unless the child has done 10 minutes of family history. This is based upon this promise from Elder Bednar:
Elder David A. Bednar has promised: “I invite the young people of the Church to learn about and experience the Spirit of Elijah. … I promise [that] you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary. As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives.”20
(I challenge you to find more blessings that come from family history!) Our children need that blessing of protection while on the internet! Anyway, after that 10 minutes of awesomeness (that always spreads to more family history), they can do specific scholastic things on-line. This means, that they come and tell me, "Mom, I am going on the computer to do *specific task*" It provides accountability and purpose in going online.
After 3 pm their flexibility of what they can do increases a bit, but we don't have online games (except for math or typing games). And we don't have a TV right now (plenty of access to news, movies and shows online...so not sure what the difference is there :)!). And we don't really do videos (unless they are "Magic School Bus" or learning type videos during the week). And we don't own any play station...stuff. They can get that from their friends.
Now, don't go and try and model your home after mine. This is a work in progress and has morphed over the years many times. This is what my family needs right now and is based upon specific principles my family needs right now. And, most importantly, it is what the Spirit says is right for our family right now. It will probably change :)!
Compare this to immunizations: some people don't feel immunizations are right for their kids. Some feel they are. Some are more passionate on either end, but the truth is that there are both positive and negative things about immunization. You just need to decide what is best for your family. Some people don't and rely on "herd immunity"--feeling that their children will be safe because everyone around them is immunized. Some people feel that their children are one of those that need the immunization.
I kind of look at this with media: for some people it is fine in all kinds of doses. To others, it can be lethal. It can depend upon which kinds of media just like different immunizations have different side effects.
My point is that media and immunizations can be beneficial and detrimental. We need to seek the inspiration that our family needs, counseling together as parents, and then setting down specific, understandable guidelines or rules in your home.
I feel that the impact of media and gaming on the development of a 15 year old boy can be life-changing. Use with care but don't be afraid to use it. It can be life changing for good as well as they are exposed to great ideas, people and concepts through the wonders of technology. I guess the trick is not to be used by it.
Love this talk about this idea:
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