So it has been an interesting couple of months since I last posted.
I have been doing "Walden" work: watching, judging, determining the regular ebbs and flows, the questions and requests kids have made...
"I miss Beautiful Girlhood!"
"Can we do Anatomy today?"
"When are we going to do Author's in the Attic?"
I have also been watching the emergence of my two, wonderful oldest out of the home. The journey has not been what people would call easy or seamless. Their paths definitely didn't follow a traditional path...but they are ready. I do have regrets, things I want to do differently with the others, but looking back I can see how God can use even those "mistakes" for the good of my children, for them with their (and mine!) strengths and weaknesses.
Self-determination. Ownership. The beauty of failure.
In an agency-based home, there is always a tricky balance between parent-led classes and education and student-led. As a parent, I should inspire, assess and sometimes even demand certain topics or classes. Sometimes I need to give my kids room to fail.
I got an interesting letter from my daughter right after she left on her mission. She thanked me for giving her more freedom to pursue her own education over this last year...even the opportunity to fail and learn from it. I have been thinking about that a lot lately.
We have still done some math (one of those demand things, I am afraid, to at least know their math facts, although I try to make it as fun and painless as possible). We have been doing Latin because of my 14 year old's desire to finish reading all the Oliver DeMille top 100 reading list for teens. (The kids all love it...we just do a couple sections out of "Getting Started With Latin" each day together.) We have been going to the farm to do work and explore. We have been to DC twice and done many other field trips. I have been playing more games with them, per the Spirit's direction for several months...I am finally doing it!
Oh, and of course devotionals every day.
But other than that, the kids have been just focusing on doing their jobs and then I just hold them accountable by having them list everything they did that day either at the end of that day or the beginning of the next. Drew and I have been bonding over seminary.
I have been working on some serious inner balances, if that is the best way to put it. We have been reading aloud "Remembering Isaac," I finished my "Amish Parenting" book, and I am now reading "The Gift of Imperfection" by Brown (watch the language on this one). Between these books, watching my oldest two getting ready to and actually leaving the nest, and some ah-has I have had while doing a couple family history/scrapbooking projects, I see that God is using this time to teach me to slow down.
I have been crazy busy doing project to project for so many years, pushing myself, demanding false, unattainable perfection of myself and my children (and my husband, come to think of it) for so many years that I am realizing that I have an unhealthy "base operating level." I have become very list-obsessed in my effort to "do the right thing" and am finding a new place to be. A new happiness. A new place of content amidst the seeming imperfection.
I love how Ms. Brown puts it in her book:
Meanwhile, the kids and my husband are just becoming more and more beautiful, more and more inspirational and fun. It is a crazy thing.
My reason for sharing all of this is not because this should be someone else's journey. On a deep level, I am trying to be more still, trusting God and letting Him guide me and tell me when to stop. Why is that so hard? I don't know, but it is what our homeschool needs right now. Your need may be the same or different, but I am sure it will be different books, different blogs and different activities that get you where you need to be. We just need to stop and listen.
Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.
Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.
Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,
'cause you never had time to call and say hi?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
it's like an unopened gift thrown away.
Life isn't a race, so take it slower,hear the music before your song is over.
I have been doing "Walden" work: watching, judging, determining the regular ebbs and flows, the questions and requests kids have made...
"I miss Beautiful Girlhood!"
"Can we do Anatomy today?"
"When are we going to do Author's in the Attic?"
I have also been watching the emergence of my two, wonderful oldest out of the home. The journey has not been what people would call easy or seamless. Their paths definitely didn't follow a traditional path...but they are ready. I do have regrets, things I want to do differently with the others, but looking back I can see how God can use even those "mistakes" for the good of my children, for them with their (and mine!) strengths and weaknesses.
Self-determination. Ownership. The beauty of failure.
In an agency-based home, there is always a tricky balance between parent-led classes and education and student-led. As a parent, I should inspire, assess and sometimes even demand certain topics or classes. Sometimes I need to give my kids room to fail.
I got an interesting letter from my daughter right after she left on her mission. She thanked me for giving her more freedom to pursue her own education over this last year...even the opportunity to fail and learn from it. I have been thinking about that a lot lately.
We have still done some math (one of those demand things, I am afraid, to at least know their math facts, although I try to make it as fun and painless as possible). We have been doing Latin because of my 14 year old's desire to finish reading all the Oliver DeMille top 100 reading list for teens. (The kids all love it...we just do a couple sections out of "Getting Started With Latin" each day together.) We have been going to the farm to do work and explore. We have been to DC twice and done many other field trips. I have been playing more games with them, per the Spirit's direction for several months...I am finally doing it!
Oh, and of course devotionals every day.
But other than that, the kids have been just focusing on doing their jobs and then I just hold them accountable by having them list everything they did that day either at the end of that day or the beginning of the next. Drew and I have been bonding over seminary.
I have been crazy busy doing project to project for so many years, pushing myself, demanding false, unattainable perfection of myself and my children (and my husband, come to think of it) for so many years that I am realizing that I have an unhealthy "base operating level." I have become very list-obsessed in my effort to "do the right thing" and am finding a new place to be. A new happiness. A new place of content amidst the seeming imperfection.
I love how Ms. Brown puts it in her book:
"Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement adn growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight.
Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is self-focused--How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused--What will they think? (pg 56)My thoughts about expectations and reasons for why I parent and live the way I do are very meditative right now. I spend many hours at night quietly reflecting over my previous day and looking at my modus operandi--what I do and why I do it. I am moving away from beating myself up for it and trying to learn from it and create new brain bridges or plans of response.
Meanwhile, the kids and my husband are just becoming more and more beautiful, more and more inspirational and fun. It is a crazy thing.
My reason for sharing all of this is not because this should be someone else's journey. On a deep level, I am trying to be more still, trusting God and letting Him guide me and tell me when to stop. Why is that so hard? I don't know, but it is what our homeschool needs right now. Your need may be the same or different, but I am sure it will be different books, different blogs and different activities that get you where you need to be. We just need to stop and listen.
Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.
Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.
Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,
'cause you never had time to call and say hi?
You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
it's like an unopened gift thrown away.
Life isn't a race, so take it slower,hear the music before your song is over.
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